“The Awful Problem of Matrimony”: Addressing Inequity at Home
Women with baby strollers and children waiting to cross the street, 1953. Photo © Anthony Angel.
“There was the awful problem or prospect of matrimony, which upset so many plans and calculations,” commented architect Leonard Stokes in 1902 after listening to a speech about the suitability of women to practice architecture. “As a woman was expected to look after her house…he did not see how she could, as an architect, look after her practice as well.”
Successful professional women in past centuries recognized the challenges of maintaining a career after marriage, with many choosing to remain single in order to pursue their professional passions. Today the “awful problem of matrimony” is less awful and more equal—but it is unequal all the same. Inequity in unpaid work—cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.—exists in the homes of opposite-sex couples regardless of their ages, according to a Gallup report. It is a persistent rather than a generational problem, and it reinforces the lower wages for paid work for women.
Males in the US (ages 15 to 64 ) spend 165.8 minutes per day on unpaid work as compared to 271.3 minutes for females, according to the Organisation for Economic Development and Cooperation. That is, women spend 1.75 hours (63 percent) more time than men each day on unpaid tasks like household chores. In an interview with Behavioral Science, economic historian and author Claudia Goldin says closing the gender wage gap cannot be done by the workplace alone.
When couples have children or other care responsibilities, “the price of equity can be the difference between two earnings scenarios: one person in a couple taking the higher paying, less flexible, and ‘greedier’ role, while the other partner takes a more flexible, lower paying one,” Goldin says, “And the other scenario is one in which both forgo higher earnings, and take more flexible work.” Often the woman takes the lower-paying job to accommodate care responsibilities. But on average, even when women work fewer paid hours, their total hours worked (paid and unpaid) still exceed those of men.
Last month’s post about gender bias focused on addressing bias in the workplace, but inequality at home also holds women back at work. Goldin says, “[I]t may be very hard for us to put the blame on decisions that we make with our spouses, or on society for having expectations that we as women are the ones who are the caregivers….[T]he most important negotiating as an adult we can do as women is with our spouse.”
How we can Address Inequity at Home and at Work:
Co-habitating Partners:
Track actual (not perceived) minutes worked in both paid and unpaid work each week, and negotiate a more equitable existence. In addition to minutes spent, consider how onerous the tasks are; most people enjoy playing with their kids more than scrubbing toilet bowls or vacuuming, and this should figure into the negotiations.
Consider the second scenario Goldin mentions: the option of both partners taking jobs that are more flexible instead of having one partner sacrifice her career
If your job lacks flexibility, advocate at work for more flexibility for all whenever possible.
Parents:
“Gender inequality in pay begins at home, and early in life,” the New York Times found. Boys age 15 to 19 spend one-third less time on household chores yet earn higher allowances than their sisters. Give your sons and daughters chores taking equal time, and pay them equally—or if age differences make this impractical, prorate an equal hourly rate for time spent
Boys need to be trained to do unpaid tasks in order to contribute equally when they are adults. In addition to requiring children to contribute equitably to household chores regardless of gender, adult men need to be good role models and participate equally
See “How to Raise a Feminist Son” for ideas to help boys buck gender stereotypes.
Employers:
In architecture, professional staff often work long hours to meet approaching project deadlines. This can take a personal toll on all employees, be they parents or child-free, in a relationship or single. Employers can mitigate the negative impact excess work hours have on employees’ quality of life by using the following strategies:
Small firm owners can collaborate with other firms in to establish a “library” of employees; borrow employees from other firms to meet deadlines, and lend when your firm is slow
Large firm managers can create better systems to redistribute employees to projects facing deadlines, or have designated “floaters” who move from project to project
All firms can pre-screen a stable of qualified “gig” workers to call in as a deadline approaches. This stable can include recent retirees as well as freelancers
If employees must work excessive hours, be flexible with where and when they do it
Government and Institutions
Institute government programs that support equity in families, like paid family leave and subsidized child- and elder-care
Schools and daycares can contact fathers first when they need to reach a parent
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Sources
“The Architectural Association,” The Builder. February 22, 1902: 179-183.
Megan Brenan, “Women Still Handle Main Household Tasks in U.S.” Gallup, January 29, 2020.
Francesca Donner, “The Household Work Men and Women Do, and Why.” New York Times, February 12, 2020.
Claire Cain Miller, “The Gender Pay Gap Is Largely Because of Motherhood.” New York Times, May 13, 2017.
Claire Cain Miller, “A ‘Generationally Perpetuated’ Pattern: Daughters Do More Chores.” New York Times, August 8, 2018.
Claire Cain Miller, “How to Raise a Feminist Son.” New York Times, June 2, 2017.
“Employment: Time Spent in Paid and Unpaid Work,” OEDC.Stat, Organisation for Economic Development and Cooperation (accessed January 2, 2022).