How and Why to Say ‘No’ at Work

It can be hard to say ‘no’ at work, especially if you are new or think your loyalty is being tested, Joseph Grenny writes in the Harvard Business Review (HBR). You might risk coming across as lazy or as not a team player.  But if done properly, saying ‘no’ can help safeguard your time, introduce or maintain work-life balance, and improve your productivity, reliability, and promotability.

Women might have a particularly hard time saying ‘no’ because women are socialized to want to please people. Yet saying ‘yes’ too often can lead to being given more and more tasks, resulting in less productivity, sloppy work, or missed deadlines, Gail Allyn Short writes.

People who are passionate about their work are at greater risk of being taken advantage of, Dina Denham Smith writes (HBR, Spring 2024): “Passionate employees are more likely to get asked to do unpaid work, work on the weekends, and handle unrelated and demeaning tasks that are not a part of their roles.”  No matter how much you like your job, always saying yes can lead to burnout.

When asked to complete a task that you don’t have time for or that doesn’t fall within your professional role, Michael W. Wiederman Ph.D. suggests doing the following in his Psychology Today article:

·        Don’t give a yes or no answer, but instead ask for some time to think about it and review your other obligations.

·        Ask for more information so you can gauge the time and effort that will be required.

·        Assess the benefits and the costs, including how well the task fits with your professional goals.

Denham Smith suggests increasing your estimate of the time commitment by 20 percent since while planning, people consistently underestimate time required.

Wiederman warns that it can be tempting to say yes, because being asked for help makes us feel important or might help build a better relationship with the person asking. But he suggests thinking long-term: will the burden of accepting this assignment cause resentment or dread? Will it have a negative impact on the quality of your personal or professional life? Prioritizing is important. Denham Smith suggests asking yourself what difference it will make in the future whether or not you take on the task now.

If you have to say ‘yes,’ negotiate to have other tasks reassigned or to have deadlines extended, Wiederman suggests.

 If you need to say ‘no,’ researchers suggest the following:

·        When denying someone in authority, reframe your ‘no’ as a request for permission to decline. Grenny suggests: “Can I tell you why I think I should say no to this?”

·        Always start with the positive, Allyn Short suggests: Thank them for the opportunity and say you’d like to help. Then explain why you can’t. (Remember, you can always ask for some time to think before you give any answer.)

·        Be prepared for the requestor to resist accepting your ‘no,’ Wiederman warns. He suggests remaining resolute and asking questions to help devise an alternative solution. There might be someone better suited to the task or an approach the requestor hasn’t considered.

Women are often asked to do non-or low-promotable tasks: tasks that help their organizations but not their careers. Examples include ordering lunch, setting up meetings, taking meeting minutes, and planning office parties. Lise Vesterlund et al found that women perform non-promotable work because they are expected to. “Managers are 50 percent more likely to ask women to do non-promotable work, and when women are asked, they are 50 percent more likely to say yes to these requests to do non-promotable work.” Doing this “office housework” leaves less time for assignments that will contribute to advancement, putting women at a disadvantage professionally.

Managers and co-workers need to address the inequitable distribution of non-promotable tasks; for more, read “The Glamour Gap: How Work Assignments Impact Equity.” Women agreeing to perform a non-promotable task should set boundaries like asking that a recurring task rotate among others, or agreeing to do only the part of the task that most closely aligns with their professional responsibilities, McKinsey & Co. suggest.

Practicing saying ‘no’ elsewhere in life can help prepare for saying ‘no’ at work. Denham Smith also suggests reporting to an “accountability buddy” who helps you remember that your work should not be completed at the expense of your personal life and health.

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“Sew on your own buttons, I’m going for a ride,” Library of Congress, c. 1899. This staged satirical photo expressed men’s anxieties over the potential emancipation of women.